Shattered, Shaken, but Salvaged

Ecclesiastes 3 says, "There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Yesterday, the Lord began the breaking process in my life. One of the great women of faith came to me after the service, with tears in her eyes, telling me that she knew the Lord was about to do big things in my life. She spoke of how she hoped it would be in the church where I currently serve. She fought back her tears as she implored me to continue holding on in the testing period that I found myself in, to refuse to give up. She knew only a fraction of what was going on and she could not have imagined what would be the result.

As she spoke, I could feel the frustration grow even more intense within me. I did what we do as pastors. I forced a smile. I nodded. Graciously, I thanked her for those words. But in my mind, I immediately began to get more irritated with life and with circumstances and how I felt like nothing was how it should be. Never could I have imagined what God was beginning with the words of a faithful woman of God, something that would be painful but necessary, excruciating but imperative. He was about to break me.

Frustration comes in so many forms. From the aggravation of feeling like our lives are on hold, like when the wait for what is next seems never-ending, to the frustration of feeling like every area of life is falling apart, when frustration sets in, it overwhelms. The season of frustration I have gone through in my life has seemed like the length of years that the children of Israel were in the wilderness, wandering around and wondering if they were getting anywhere. Today, it finally hit the breaking point.

As I drove to take our taxes, the stress of a million things sitting unfinished with a million more to do consumed my every thought. Then came the uncertainty of things. Those thoughts only added to the chaos storming through the cells of the brain. Unable to take anymore, I threw in a CD a friend had given me, hoping some worship music would calm my mental storm. Aptly named "Way Cool 2", I listened to the songs and tried to refocus on anything other than what had been brewing previously. Then, it happened. "Thy Will", the song by Hillary Scott and the Scott Family, began playing and as I drove, I broke.

What had been held inside so long could no longer be contained. Trying to be all things for all people had taken its toll as I could not be who I needed to be for myself and for the Lord. The very things I knew were going to happen, the dreams of the heart that kept me pressing on another day, seemed to be crashing into a million pieces on the floor. The very vision for what would be had become nothing more than travelling through the dense fog of unrealistic expectations, wading through worldliness infecting the things of God, and desperation. With each line of the song, I could see how she had captured the very frustration that I have lived in and then, it hit, when she sang:

"I don't wanna think I may never understand that my broken heart is a part of Your plan."

Everything inside me melted. What had begun to lack feeling, a growing numbness that was becoming more alarming with each day, began to let go of the pain and the aggravation, the very hurt that could not be voiced. As the pastor, and as a father and husband, the belief that I could not be broken was dangerous, because whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was broken. For once, I didn't care if someone drove by me and saw me shattered. Hiding it had benefitted no one along the way.

"I know You're good, but this don't feel good right now."

Painful is not enjoyable. When expectations are shattered and broken, the resulting sting of pain is memorable. Such a pain is memorable because it is not to be forgotten; it is a display of the power of God to overcome even our strongest defenses. The walls, the barriers, the exterior that we place up in the hopes of no one sensing our vulnerability have no strength when they are torn down by the very One who created us. I can tell you, I only hurt that way one other time in life, and it was a time when God had to break me down. I didn't think I needed to be broken again, and though the circumstances this time were far different from the last, the pain of it will be nonetheless memorable. I had frustrations that began to change me, away from who God had created me to be, morphing into someone who simply could go no further...and it was hurting.

"Sometimes I gotta stop, remember You are God, and I am not..."

As the tears rolled, the truth of those words rang true. I am not God. I am not in control. So often, we live our lives as if our plan, our timeline, our blueprint is what matters. We fall prey to the idea that somehow we are in charge of a life that we had no control in creating from the beginning. To be reminded of who God is and how God is ultimately in charge, that He is the One who is worthy and able to direct where we are to go and who we are to be is humbling.

"I know You see me, I know You hear me, Lord. Your plans are for me, goodness You have in store."

He saw every tear. He knew every frustration and He could sense every aggravation that had built up. Throughout this season, He had never been unaware of it all and He knew that this day would come. In His infinite wisdom, He knew that this moment would come when that CD was put together a year prior, when those words were spoken after the service last night. A frustrated man was about to be broken by a holy and loving God who could watch His child suffer no more. As all of it flowed out, I hit repeat on the song, hoping God would completely empty out what needed to leave.

By the end, I was driving in circles, trying to get myself together to go in the house. The realness of the moment was this - I was broken, shattered in a million pieces, but at least I could feel something again. At least what had filled up my heart and mind had finally flooded out so He could put it all back together. So though I sat shattered and shaken, in the hands of the Potter, this life can be salvaged. And all I could utter, as those pieces lay in shambles on the ground was:

"Thy Will be done."

Carrying the Weight of the World

Aloe Blacc sang that he had tried to carry the weight of the world but he only had two hands. His words speak to the reality of how we are trying to live on a daily basis. Each day, we wake up and we carry so much with us that before we even leave the house, we are struggling to take the next step because of the load we are carrying. Our minds are exhausted. Our bodies are struggling. We feel beaten down and nearly defeated.

Scripture tells us that, as believers, this is not to be our normal. The Lord has more for us in life and with the Lord in our lives, we do not have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Here is what we read in 1 Peter, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your cares on Him, because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7 HCSB) Rather than carrying those cares, concerns, worries, and anxieties, we are called to cast them over to the Lord. He knows what we need. He knows where we are. He understands what we are facing. He has proven throughout the generations to be able to carry those burdens, freeing us from the weight of the worries to live free in the faith.

Some of us carry the burdens of the past. The mistakes that we made, the failures we endured, the hurts and the regret, but again, those are not ours to carry. As we have taken those things to the Lord, as we have asked for forgiveness for those wrongs, we have to accept the forgiveness of God and forgive ourselves. Scripture tells us that we have no reason to carry the past with us. As Psalm tells us, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12 HCSB) The past is over. It is gone and those sins for which we have repented, they are removed from us. They are so far removed that we should regret should have turned into rejoicing. God took them away and no longer when He sees us does He see those mistakes. Such a truth brings about a hallelujah from the soul.

Take a moment to breathe today. You are weary and worn but the Lord tells us that in that condition, He is where we are to turn. Jesus implored, "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28 HCSB) These words of Jesus are beckoning you to come to Him today and leave those burdens at His feet, placing those concerns in His hands. He is able. He is there and He calls you.

By the grace of God, we do not have to carry the weight of the world. We were not designed to do so. Rather, we are called to give the weight of the world over to the Creator of the universe, in whose hands we know are able to carry the weight. Today, we have the opportunity to let go and let God do what only God can do. Cast it all on the Lord and see how your hands are freed up to do the work He has called you to do.

Not today, Satan. Never Again.

You can’t do it. You will never succeed. You will fail.

Such is the sound of the thoughts that run through my mind daily. With each success in life, there is the subtle reminder of every failure that I have endured, every pain I have ever caused, every sin I have ever committed. The whispers in my mind are from the enemy, an accusatory voice that longs to see me muddle through another year, to waste another week, and to be distracted for another day. This week, I found something, a truth that had been there all along, but I had neglected to see.

I thought about 2019 coming up, and thought, “Well, I guess I should just wait until the New Year to start.” Immediately, I recognized the source of the thought. Waiting to start until 2019 was a waste of nearly two weeks. I was about to do exactly what Satan wanted me to do. I was about to wait another day, make another excuse, waste another house.

No more. The clock is ticking, and I am tired of wasting the time I have been given.

I saw a church sign recently that spoke to this truth. The sign read, “Today is God’s gift to you. How you use it is your gift to God.” How true is such a statement? God has given us today, but Satan tries to convince us to waste it, to be distracted away from our calling, and live in the regret of another day that only produced unfulfilled potential.

Joshua reached such a place with the people of Israel. The lack of commitment and the turning towards God, then away from God, then back to God was overwhelming. As the Lord spoke through Joshua, Joshua informed the people that he had made a choice for the course of the rest of his life and his family, then turned to the people to challenge them to do the same.

Today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not when a New Year comes.

He said to them that they should choose to follow the Lord. Then, he gave them the alternate options, after he told of all that the Lord had done for them. Joshua put it to them. He demanded an immediate response. He said, “But if it does not please you to worship Yahweh, choose for yourselves today the one you will worship.” (Joshua 24:15 HCSB)

Today. This moment a decision is made, and that decision should influence every moment that follows. Satan says we have tomorrow. God warns that nothing is guaranteed as far as time on earth. Which voice will you follow today? Which is the voice of truth in your ears? For those who choose to listen to the doubts and indecision of a voice of distraction, they will always say they will do it tomorrow. But, today. Today, a choice is being made. God whispers, telling us to give Him all that we have, and He will work through it. The Lord tells us to have faith in His ability to work and in His ability to produce fruit from the seeds we plant.

I will be the best disciple, pastor, husband, father, son, writer, and friend that I can be starting today. I choose to give it all to the Lord and to stop listening to the voice of the deceiver who says I will never be enough. Why? The cross says that I am enough, and Scripture says that I must make a choice. Joshua said, “As for me and my family, we will worship Yahweh.” (Joshua 24:15 HCSB) Which choice will you make today? God has gifted you this day, now what will you do with it? I have chosen to forsake the world and follow the Lord, allowing Him to work through me to change the world. How amazing would it be if we all made such a decision? Things might just change around us!

A Sword or Submission

Not too long ago, I was listening to a message by Adrian Rogers. If you have never heard a message by Adrian Rogers, stop what you are doing now and listen to one of his messages. He was a gifted pastor and the particular message was sent to me by one of the members of my congregation. I listened intently and was blown away by the message. In it, he spoke of Peter and where Peter went wrong and when Peter got it right, a message most of us can identify with if we are honest. Where it went wrong for Peter was when his will became more important that the Lord’s will. Luke captured the moment, “Then one of them struck the high priest’s slave and cut off his right ear. But Jesus responded, ‘No more of this!’ And touching his ear, He healed him.” (Luke 22:50-51 HCSB)

What Peter did, pulling out the sward and defending Jesus, seemed to be the right thing to do. Rather than sit idly by, he took action, but the issue came when his will for Jesus became more motivation than God’s will for Jesus. Jesus had come to be the sacrifice, to give up His life for Peter, James, John, the priest’s slave, you, me, etc. Peter stepped in the way and what he did was actually to strike the one who had no power in the situation. The slave was only doing what he was mandated to do but Peter’s defiance for the will of God led to error because Peter simply could not see what God was doing, though Jesus had warned repeatedly that this very day was coming.

I thought about this truth during the winter storm and the life shutdown that follows when more than an inch of snow falls in North Carolina. Are we seeking our will or God’s will? Though something may seem harmless or even admirable, it is nothing if it not aligned with the will of God. Even the most innocent acts can be sinful if the motives for the acts are anything but pure and set on the will of God.

Do you know what never catches the Lord by surprise? The motives of the heart are never a surprise. He knows what we are thinking, what we are seeking to accomplish, and even more importantly, He knows why. The Bible says this, “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord evaluates the motives.” (Proverbs 16:2 HCSB) What does that mean? God knows deep down why we are doing the things we do. Yes, they may seem right to us, but the question is are they being done for the Lord and according to His will?

So, it comes to the question of why? Is it about Jesus or is it about us? Is it about Jesus’ will or is it more about our way and our will? Peter seemed to do what was right but all along he was wrong, and time revealed where he went wrong. Time will always tell the motives behind what we do, but we can be sure that God already knows. As a year begins to wind down, now is the chance to get it right by doing things God’s way and in accordance with God’s will. A great place to start is by looking at what is being produced by what we are doing. If it is of God, it is producing more of a reflection of God and less of a focus on ourselves.

Two months away...the time is drawing near

The leaves are beginning to change here in North Carolina, as are the seasons. A month ago, the temperatures were in the nineties, now they are considerably cooler. Tonight, I saw the date as it changed on my phone, telling me that the twenty-fifth day of October has arrived. For me, that signals two months until Christmas.

Christmas is no small celebration in my home. Already, I am planning for the holiday movies, excited that they begin one day from today. Hallmark Channel will stay on and throughout the season, I will write more about what the season means, how it impacts those who look deeper into the cause for celebration, and will dream of the day one of these projects is in your hands. As we speak, I have three manuscripts complete, one screenplay complete and in the hands of a director, and have begun work on another screenplay. All of these are about Christmas. Each speaks to the majestic nature of celebrating the arrival of the King of majesty.

As I think about the excitement, I am reminded of the response of John the Baptist, before he was born, when Mary approached Elizabeth. Mary was carrying the Son of God and as she drew near to Elizabeth, Luke wrote, "When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped inside her, and she was filled with the Holy Spirit." (Luke 1:41) Elizabeth even tells Mary of what took place a few verses later. Elizabeth said, "For you see, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped for joy inside me!" (Luke 1:44 HCSB) Even the baby rejoiced at the nearness of Christ, being in the presence of the Son of God.

People often wonder why Christmas means so much to me. This is why. He came. Did He have to? No. But He did. Humanity needed a Savior, so the Son of God came, in the form of man, and as the celebration of Christmas draws closer, joy grows as we celebrate the coming of the Lord. As the season draws near, we find joy in the fact that God did not turn His back on us, but came to walk among us and in that, peace comes to the soul.

Your day today might be filled with anxiousness. You may have a day that is filled with worry and you may be in a season that is anything but pleasant to endure. Perhaps there is sadness that is overwhelming, or doubts that are drowning out hope. Your life, at this very moment, could be lonesome. But know this. Christmas is on its way and the message of Christmas resonates throughout the year, in every season and in every situation - Immanuel - "God is with us".

Just the mere mention of the name of Jesus, just a few moments in the presence of the Lord, and joy comes to our weary souls. The joy comes from His presence and from His sacrifice. Joy comes in knowing that we are not alone and that we do not have to do this life on our own. He came. His very feet traveled this sod as God sent His Son to a stable in Bethlehem.

You are the "whosoever"

A ringing of the phone disturbed an afternoon nap in the mid 1990's. A long day at school and even longer nights filled with despair and feelings of failure had left me exhausted. I heard the phone ring. I can remember it to this day. I rolled over and fell back asleep until I felt a tug at my pants leg. My mom had discovered what I had hidden from nearly everyone. I wanted to die. Most didn't realize it. Someone had seen the marks, made a call, and there I sat explaining to the one who gave birth to me why I no longer wanted to be a part of this world.

For so long, I hid the turmoil inside, or at least I thought I did. Looking back, I didn't hide it as well as I thought. My thoughts were that I was worthless, that I was no more important to the world than a grain of sand. I knew my family and friends loved me, but inside, I convinced myself that it was because they had to, as if it were some automated response that they had to have. Church was a staple in my life and I could quote Scripture like nobody else. What was wrong with me?

By the grace of God, I was pointed in a direction to get help, the help I needed to live another day, to have another chance to understand. Until this week, this is a topic I have kept buried pretty deep within, rarely sharing a moment that remains raw over twenty years later. As I prepared to speak to a group of students this week, the story came out. Unplanned. Completely God orchestrated.

As I looked at the group of students, I remembered where I was in my life at their age. I was awkward at times (socially), funny one moment but highly idiotic the next, trying to be who the world told me to be, never really achieving those standards. I wanted to be someone, but always felt like no one. I had made nearly every mistake known to man at such an early age and every time I tried to climb my way out of the hole I had dug, another bad decision was made, another descent to the bottom of what seemed like a bottomless pit. The students stood there and I begged God, "Speak to them and tell them that they matter. Show them how much they mean to You."

Tonight, I sit writing this blog in the hopes that someone will read these words and understand what I understood in my college apartment in 1998. Here is what I mean. God brought me through the depression and kept me going day after day. In 1998, though, He put it all together. I had known John 3:16 from the time I was a child. I had recited it in church and other places what seemed like a million times. I knew the verse, but I didn't truly know the One who spoke those words.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16 NKJV) That night, I got it. Whosoever. As Jesus talked to Nicodemus, a Pharisee, He was speaking to someone who was part of a group that looked down at others for a variety of reasons. The Pharisees flaunted their holiness and scoffed at those who were unable to keep the law as well as they did. Jesus showed the difference, in just a word, between religion and faith. Religion looked to keep others out while faith welcomed them in. While the Pharisees looked at what was wrong with others, Jesus showed that His focus was on making the fallen right with God.

Whosoever. No exclusion to who could come to Him. The murderers could come and find salvation. Those who had wrecked every area of life could come and find true life. Those who came to Him would find a new way of life, turning from sinfulness to walk in righteousness, and He welcomed them. The outcasts, the overlooked, the sinners, the sick, those who thought they were perfect, those who knew their lives were train wrecks, the broken, and the hurting - the whosoevers - He had come for all.

Where you are right now is not out of the reach of an Almighty God. Regardless of the life you have lived, the cross is there, its' shadow cast right to where you are, begging you to come and walk in new life. You see, if you want to know how valuable you are, three nails tell the story. You are the whosoever that Jesus would die for. You and I, enemies of God without Christ due to our sinfulness, are redeemed and given new life through the sacrifice of Christ. For Christ, you are enough. To God, you are valuable. And greater still, though we have all done so much wrong in our lives, He wants us!

You are given the opportunity to walk in a new life with Jesus, regardless of yesterday. You have been given a chance at a different tomorrow and a different eternity, if only you will understand that you are a whosoever, that you were one that He came to save.

I watched those students as God dealt with their hearts. I trembled as I stood before them and He dealt with mine. God calls out to you, offering you what the world cannot give. What does it take? Understanding that we are a bunch of "whosoevers" that need a Savior.

The Mission is Clear

Last week, we did something we had never tried before. Our church, a rural church in the heart of North Carolina, hosted a writer's conference, the North Carolina Christian Writer's Conference. Admittedly, I feared that we would fall short in our attempts to make the conference what it needed to be, but when God is in control, there is nothing to fear. The conference was a success as writers from all over the United States came and worshipped together, learned how to grow in their craft, and were focused on reaching a lost world for Jesus Christ.

As I watched people bustle from classes to appointments to meals to worship, I noticed a joy, an atmosphere of encouragement and excitement, that is often missing in the world today. There were dreams and ideas, hopes of fulfilling a calling that had been placed upon those lives from before they had drawn their first breaths. Silently, I prayed for each person, those attending the conference, those on faculty, and those who were working behind the scenes, and in the midst of the prayer, I uttered those words, "Lord, this is church." People from different places, various backgrounds and races, all joined together for the cause of Christ, focused on the message of the gospel.

Then, it hit me. Shouldn't this be the atmosphere and the overall environment of the church today? Rather than the constant complaining, bickering, and focus on what we want on a weekly basis, what might happen if a group of people, united by the cross of Christ, unified in their mission, came together with the expressed purpose of glorifying God and changing the world for Christ? The church might then fulfill its purpose and reach a world that is lost and facing a Christ-less eternity.

Here is a passage I read that tied in with what I was observing at the conference, a passage that speaks not only to writers but to every follower of Christ. As Paul wrote to the Romans, he posed the questions that all of us must answer and then address by our actions. Paul wrote, "But how can they call on Him they have not believed in? And how can they hear without a preacher? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written: How beautiful are the feet of those who announce the gospel of good things." (Romans 10:14-15 HCSB) We are all called and we have been given the message. The cross of Christ, the gift of salvation, the assurance of eternal life, these things are our message and when we see the beauty in the call, we focus on the joy of being called, the dream of reaching a lost soul, the blessing of being used by the Lord.

An atmosphere of excitement exists when those joined together recognize the beauty of the presence of the Lord and embrace the mission that has been laid out before them. It becomes a place of joy because it is not about us, it is all about Jesus. We have the greatest gift in the world that we can share, knowing that sharing the gift of gospel is pouring into someone's life that which quenches the thirst of the soul. The mission is crystal clear and when the mission is in focus, we find a joy that is unspeakable as we live for more than ourselves. The beautiful feet are the ones that are in motion, carrying the gospel throughout a world that needs it so desperately.