You are the "whosoever"

A ringing of the phone disturbed an afternoon nap in the mid 1990's. A long day at school and even longer nights filled with despair and feelings of failure had left me exhausted. I heard the phone ring. I can remember it to this day. I rolled over and fell back asleep until I felt a tug at my pants leg. My mom had discovered what I had hidden from nearly everyone. I wanted to die. Most didn't realize it. Someone had seen the marks, made a call, and there I sat explaining to the one who gave birth to me why I no longer wanted to be a part of this world.

For so long, I hid the turmoil inside, or at least I thought I did. Looking back, I didn't hide it as well as I thought. My thoughts were that I was worthless, that I was no more important to the world than a grain of sand. I knew my family and friends loved me, but inside, I convinced myself that it was because they had to, as if it were some automated response that they had to have. Church was a staple in my life and I could quote Scripture like nobody else. What was wrong with me?

By the grace of God, I was pointed in a direction to get help, the help I needed to live another day, to have another chance to understand. Until this week, this is a topic I have kept buried pretty deep within, rarely sharing a moment that remains raw over twenty years later. As I prepared to speak to a group of students this week, the story came out. Unplanned. Completely God orchestrated.

As I looked at the group of students, I remembered where I was in my life at their age. I was awkward at times (socially), funny one moment but highly idiotic the next, trying to be who the world told me to be, never really achieving those standards. I wanted to be someone, but always felt like no one. I had made nearly every mistake known to man at such an early age and every time I tried to climb my way out of the hole I had dug, another bad decision was made, another descent to the bottom of what seemed like a bottomless pit. The students stood there and I begged God, "Speak to them and tell them that they matter. Show them how much they mean to You."

Tonight, I sit writing this blog in the hopes that someone will read these words and understand what I understood in my college apartment in 1998. Here is what I mean. God brought me through the depression and kept me going day after day. In 1998, though, He put it all together. I had known John 3:16 from the time I was a child. I had recited it in church and other places what seemed like a million times. I knew the verse, but I didn't truly know the One who spoke those words.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16 NKJV) That night, I got it. Whosoever. As Jesus talked to Nicodemus, a Pharisee, He was speaking to someone who was part of a group that looked down at others for a variety of reasons. The Pharisees flaunted their holiness and scoffed at those who were unable to keep the law as well as they did. Jesus showed the difference, in just a word, between religion and faith. Religion looked to keep others out while faith welcomed them in. While the Pharisees looked at what was wrong with others, Jesus showed that His focus was on making the fallen right with God.

Whosoever. No exclusion to who could come to Him. The murderers could come and find salvation. Those who had wrecked every area of life could come and find true life. Those who came to Him would find a new way of life, turning from sinfulness to walk in righteousness, and He welcomed them. The outcasts, the overlooked, the sinners, the sick, those who thought they were perfect, those who knew their lives were train wrecks, the broken, and the hurting - the whosoevers - He had come for all.

Where you are right now is not out of the reach of an Almighty God. Regardless of the life you have lived, the cross is there, its' shadow cast right to where you are, begging you to come and walk in new life. You see, if you want to know how valuable you are, three nails tell the story. You are the whosoever that Jesus would die for. You and I, enemies of God without Christ due to our sinfulness, are redeemed and given new life through the sacrifice of Christ. For Christ, you are enough. To God, you are valuable. And greater still, though we have all done so much wrong in our lives, He wants us!

You are given the opportunity to walk in a new life with Jesus, regardless of yesterday. You have been given a chance at a different tomorrow and a different eternity, if only you will understand that you are a whosoever, that you were one that He came to save.

I watched those students as God dealt with their hearts. I trembled as I stood before them and He dealt with mine. God calls out to you, offering you what the world cannot give. What does it take? Understanding that we are a bunch of "whosoevers" that need a Savior.