Taking a Step is Success

Hitting the "send" button meant there was no turning back. I checked the screenplay. Repeatedly. I ran through the mental checklist of what I needed to make sure was correct before I sent it. I checked the guidelines at least ten times, avoiding being disqualified over a submission error. My lack of self-esteem continued to tell me there was no point in sending it in because I am not talented enough to win a contest. A moment of truth came as I sat in a cabin alone and prepared to hit the "send" button or simply close the computer and go on with life.

I hit "send". Immediately, my stomach churned. I imagined the contest director opening the email and shaking her head, thinking, "This has to be the worst thing I have ever read." I couldn't turn back because the email was sent. Praying began as soon as it sunk in that this was now real. I had taken a step I had never taken before. I had stepped out on a ledge. A fall may come but at least I took a step. Normally, the voices in my head, those doubts and discouragements that are blaring every day, win out, but not this time. I was determined to get a step closer to my dream of reaching people with the gospel through movies.

I learned a Peter-style lesson through this. Those who take a step are never failures. Regardless of the outcome, those who at least pursue their dreams successfully avoid the question of what could have been. As Peter saw Jesus walking towards them on the water, he called out to Jesus, "Lord, if it's You, command me to come to You on the water." (Matthew 14:28) Jesus told Peter to come to Him, and with that word, Peter stepped out onto the waters. In this truth, we learn something from the day Peter stepped out of the boat.

1 - Do not base life on what others choose to do. Peter stepped out in faith even though everyone else stayed in the comfortable confines of the boat. Though they were too fearful or too cautious to take a step, Peter wanted something more. He was willing to risk it even though the others played it safe. What if Peter had chosen to stay with them? What if Peter said that he wasn't going to be the only one? The beauty is that we do not have to wonder what may have happened because Peter did not wait to see what others would choose to do. He went.

2 - Even if you fall, you can say that you stepped out. We know the story and we know that after a few steps, fear set in for Peter. But here is what we often forget. Those first steps of faith would never be undone. He walked on the water towards Jesus. He stepped out in faith and courage. Nearly two thousand years later, the story is still told of that day when Peter did what no one else would do. He walked on the water with Jesus.

3 - If you fall, Jesus is there. Peter began to sink, but even in that moment of anxiety, Jesus was there. Scripture said that Jesus immediately reached out and took hold of Peter. The same is true for us. When He calls us to step out of the boat and onto the waters, He is calling us with the assurance that He will be there with us. We are not alone and knowing that we have taken that step to follow Him, He will not allow us to be overcome. He was there the moment Peter needed Him. He is here in the moments where we need Him as well.

Know this. Even taking a step towards what God is calling you to do in your life is success. That first step is often times the toughest and even the loneliest step you will take. Others may mock you. Some will question you. Those in the boat will critique what you are doing and will tell you things you should have done. Here is the thing. They stay in the comfortable of the known while you are taking a step to follow Jesus into the unknown. Success is chasing a dream, regardless of outcome, knowing that whether you ultimately succeed according to man is not as important as successfully striving to follow God.

Shattered, Shaken, but Salvaged

Ecclesiastes 3 says, "There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Yesterday, the Lord began the breaking process in my life. One of the great women of faith came to me after the service, with tears in her eyes, telling me that she knew the Lord was about to do big things in my life. She spoke of how she hoped it would be in the church where I currently serve. She fought back her tears as she implored me to continue holding on in the testing period that I found myself in, to refuse to give up. She knew only a fraction of what was going on and she could not have imagined what would be the result.

As she spoke, I could feel the frustration grow even more intense within me. I did what we do as pastors. I forced a smile. I nodded. Graciously, I thanked her for those words. But in my mind, I immediately began to get more irritated with life and with circumstances and how I felt like nothing was how it should be. Never could I have imagined what God was beginning with the words of a faithful woman of God, something that would be painful but necessary, excruciating but imperative. He was about to break me.

Frustration comes in so many forms. From the aggravation of feeling like our lives are on hold, like when the wait for what is next seems never-ending, to the frustration of feeling like every area of life is falling apart, when frustration sets in, it overwhelms. The season of frustration I have gone through in my life has seemed like the length of years that the children of Israel were in the wilderness, wandering around and wondering if they were getting anywhere. Today, it finally hit the breaking point.

As I drove to take our taxes, the stress of a million things sitting unfinished with a million more to do consumed my every thought. Then came the uncertainty of things. Those thoughts only added to the chaos storming through the cells of the brain. Unable to take anymore, I threw in a CD a friend had given me, hoping some worship music would calm my mental storm. Aptly named "Way Cool 2", I listened to the songs and tried to refocus on anything other than what had been brewing previously. Then, it happened. "Thy Will", the song by Hillary Scott and the Scott Family, began playing and as I drove, I broke.

What had been held inside so long could no longer be contained. Trying to be all things for all people had taken its toll as I could not be who I needed to be for myself and for the Lord. The very things I knew were going to happen, the dreams of the heart that kept me pressing on another day, seemed to be crashing into a million pieces on the floor. The very vision for what would be had become nothing more than travelling through the dense fog of unrealistic expectations, wading through worldliness infecting the things of God, and desperation. With each line of the song, I could see how she had captured the very frustration that I have lived in and then, it hit, when she sang:

"I don't wanna think I may never understand that my broken heart is a part of Your plan."

Everything inside me melted. What had begun to lack feeling, a growing numbness that was becoming more alarming with each day, began to let go of the pain and the aggravation, the very hurt that could not be voiced. As the pastor, and as a father and husband, the belief that I could not be broken was dangerous, because whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was broken. For once, I didn't care if someone drove by me and saw me shattered. Hiding it had benefitted no one along the way.

"I know You're good, but this don't feel good right now."

Painful is not enjoyable. When expectations are shattered and broken, the resulting sting of pain is memorable. Such a pain is memorable because it is not to be forgotten; it is a display of the power of God to overcome even our strongest defenses. The walls, the barriers, the exterior that we place up in the hopes of no one sensing our vulnerability have no strength when they are torn down by the very One who created us. I can tell you, I only hurt that way one other time in life, and it was a time when God had to break me down. I didn't think I needed to be broken again, and though the circumstances this time were far different from the last, the pain of it will be nonetheless memorable. I had frustrations that began to change me, away from who God had created me to be, morphing into someone who simply could go no further...and it was hurting.

"Sometimes I gotta stop, remember You are God, and I am not..."

As the tears rolled, the truth of those words rang true. I am not God. I am not in control. So often, we live our lives as if our plan, our timeline, our blueprint is what matters. We fall prey to the idea that somehow we are in charge of a life that we had no control in creating from the beginning. To be reminded of who God is and how God is ultimately in charge, that He is the One who is worthy and able to direct where we are to go and who we are to be is humbling.

"I know You see me, I know You hear me, Lord. Your plans are for me, goodness You have in store."

He saw every tear. He knew every frustration and He could sense every aggravation that had built up. Throughout this season, He had never been unaware of it all and He knew that this day would come. In His infinite wisdom, He knew that this moment would come when that CD was put together a year prior, when those words were spoken after the service last night. A frustrated man was about to be broken by a holy and loving God who could watch His child suffer no more. As all of it flowed out, I hit repeat on the song, hoping God would completely empty out what needed to leave.

By the end, I was driving in circles, trying to get myself together to go in the house. The realness of the moment was this - I was broken, shattered in a million pieces, but at least I could feel something again. At least what had filled up my heart and mind had finally flooded out so He could put it all back together. So though I sat shattered and shaken, in the hands of the Potter, this life can be salvaged. And all I could utter, as those pieces lay in shambles on the ground was:

"Thy Will be done."

Carrying the Weight of the World

Aloe Blacc sang that he had tried to carry the weight of the world but he only had two hands. His words speak to the reality of how we are trying to live on a daily basis. Each day, we wake up and we carry so much with us that before we even leave the house, we are struggling to take the next step because of the load we are carrying. Our minds are exhausted. Our bodies are struggling. We feel beaten down and nearly defeated.

Scripture tells us that, as believers, this is not to be our normal. The Lord has more for us in life and with the Lord in our lives, we do not have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Here is what we read in 1 Peter, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your cares on Him, because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7 HCSB) Rather than carrying those cares, concerns, worries, and anxieties, we are called to cast them over to the Lord. He knows what we need. He knows where we are. He understands what we are facing. He has proven throughout the generations to be able to carry those burdens, freeing us from the weight of the worries to live free in the faith.

Some of us carry the burdens of the past. The mistakes that we made, the failures we endured, the hurts and the regret, but again, those are not ours to carry. As we have taken those things to the Lord, as we have asked for forgiveness for those wrongs, we have to accept the forgiveness of God and forgive ourselves. Scripture tells us that we have no reason to carry the past with us. As Psalm tells us, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12 HCSB) The past is over. It is gone and those sins for which we have repented, they are removed from us. They are so far removed that we should regret should have turned into rejoicing. God took them away and no longer when He sees us does He see those mistakes. Such a truth brings about a hallelujah from the soul.

Take a moment to breathe today. You are weary and worn but the Lord tells us that in that condition, He is where we are to turn. Jesus implored, "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28 HCSB) These words of Jesus are beckoning you to come to Him today and leave those burdens at His feet, placing those concerns in His hands. He is able. He is there and He calls you.

By the grace of God, we do not have to carry the weight of the world. We were not designed to do so. Rather, we are called to give the weight of the world over to the Creator of the universe, in whose hands we know are able to carry the weight. Today, we have the opportunity to let go and let God do what only God can do. Cast it all on the Lord and see how your hands are freed up to do the work He has called you to do.