Overlooking the Valley

Every time I go there, I get a lump in my throat. The place reminds me of how I failed. The town's welcome sign is a reminder that it was here that everything fell apart. Today, I had to go back, but this time was different.

Often, we are told that pastors need to be careful of being too transparent. Perhaps that is true. Maybe we should keep up a cloak of perfection to keep the respect of the people we are guiding. Not me, though. I'm not built that way. If anything, I feel that the more transparent I am, the more real I am. I long for people to listen to me, not because I am the "perfect" Christian, but because I follow a perfect Savior.

Today, I went back. Normally, I'd pull my hat low and hope to avoid anyone who may remember me, but let's be honest, after nearly fifteen years, few would even know it was me anymore. Is it to avoid a chance run-in or is it more about the shame? Definitely the shame. I have carried it for a decade and a half. Today, I never pulled the hat down low. I refused to hurry away to avoid some awkward interaction that may/may not happen. Instead, I went to the mountain, overlooking the valley where I fled when my world collapsed.

I thought about Peter. As he denied Christ three times, he had failed. He was forgiven and restored by Jesus, but I always wonder how often he thought about the courtyard where he denied knowing Jesus. When he walked by the courtyard, did he feel the pain that came the night he refused to acknowledge his allegiance to Jesus? Did the shame hit again that the One who was being beaten and would be nailed to a cross was dying for him? Could he hear his own words from that night repeatedly in his ears, ever the reminder of the day he failed?

I drove to the top of the mountain today, but today was different. As I drove, I kept thinking about how far my life has come since that time. Not because I am any good, understand that. My life has progressed because of the mercies of God and the power of the Lord. Period. He could have left me in the valley but today, He led me to the mountaintop. From the time of my life's collapse to today, one verse continued to minister to me and push me forward - "Though a righteous man falls seven times, he will get up, but the wicked will stumble into ruin." Proverbs 24:16. I had fallen. God had picked me up. He dusted me off, redeemed me, and restored me just as He restored Peter after the courtyard.

Did I know that I had been forgiven? Yes. Scripture is clear on the forgiveness of sin. However, I continued all these years to carry the shame. Not today. The cross held more than just the sin on the day that Jesus died for us. The shame was nailed there as well, the shame that I do not have to carry anymore. In Christ, I am a new creation. Today, His mercies are new. And I am no longer in that valley - I am on the mountaintop.

Before I left today, it began to snow lightly. Ever the excited snow-lover, I stood and watched as the flakes descended from heaven to the earth below. And then He taught me more about His grace. Psalm 51:7 says, "Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." Isaiah 1:18 says, "Though your sins are like scarlet, they will be as white as snow." The Lord knows I can be a slow learner, but those snowflakes assured that I would get the message today, a message He sent on a mountaintop that overlooked a once overwhelming valley.

Why does this matter to you? Because the same God who restored my life to something greater than it ever would have been, the same Lord who is the defining force of my life, is the same one who will do the same for you. You may be in the valley, but if the Lord is allowed to take over, He can take you to the mountaintop as well and when you arrive at the pinnacle, you will know that it was the work of His hands that lifted you to such a height. And at that place, you will truthfully sing, "It is well with my soul."